Before Verus During

Prepregnancy versus During pregnancy.

1. Before being knocked up, I always matched my bra and underwear. Now I put on whichever bra will fit my boobs, and whichever underwear is stretchiest.

2. When without child, I can go a few days without shaving and there is almost no noticeable growth. Now I look like a damn yeti.

3. Before I could eat what I wanted, when I wanted, until I was stuffed to the point of rollipolliness (if I wanted). Now I hate everything except crusty bread and olive oil, most food makes me nauseous after eating it, and I'm eating like a bird (I fill up really fast).

4. Before I would pick out adorable outfits to go shopping with friends or out to dinner or whatever. Now I look for what fits, since my waist is disappearing. 

5. Before I was a stress induced insomniac who would neurotically keep myself up at night if I needed to work something out, but once asleep, I would sleep well, and long and without ever waking up. Now I can't sleep, and I wake up every hour, due to the slightest noise or disturbance or pounce of a cat. 

6. Before pregnancy I was a respectable C cup. Now Ryan laughs when I'm shirtless and says,"Those are some big boobs!" or "I can't believe they've gotten bigger!" And he ain't seen nothing yet.

7. Before pregnancy I was nearly sharp as a tack. Now I am nearly a blithering idiot. I went to the garage to do laundry and opened the garage door and left it that way until a confused Ryan discovered it later. I refilled the paint for the nursery with the wrong color. I forget words and complete thoughts mid-sentence. Ryan loves it. It might be his favorite part of pregnancy because it keeps him rolling with laughter.

BUT. There are perks.

1. Before if I wanted french fries at 11 pm, I was out of luck unless I wanted to get myself. Now my devoted baby daddy will make a run for me. Only happened once. You should know that.

2. Before I had to be diplomatic about eating out with friends and choosing a place to eat. Now everyone says "Let's let the baby decide!" And then I barf in my mouth a little, before deciding on whatever I want (the baby only wants peaches and crusty bread, anyway). 

3. Before if I gained half a pound I'd say, "shit." Now when I gain half a pound (and I mean 'when,' it hasn't happened yet), I will say "shit. It's started." But my husband will say "That's supposed to happen!" and make me feel better.

4. Before if I didn't want to do something I had to come up with an excuse. Now "I don't feel like it" actually works for most social situations.