I should be sleeping, but I got all hyper reading blogs and realized I need to share.

But Rory is stirring.

So, short and sweet:  We live a nipple shield free existence. And the dynamic of our nursing relationship has changed dramatically.

She seems to be back to sleep.

She is much more confident and in charge about nursing. It clicked that the nourishment is from mama, not from a piece of silicone. Instead of trying to remove and eat a silicone shield, she tries to nurse my shoulder and elbow and nose. It's a little weird to see a wide open mouth with a pushing little tongue going straight for your face, but a little endearing, too. She's quite serious and sure.

It feels more natural (and more intense and occasionally painful--like when she bites), I feel we're more in tune. We wake up less, because midnight feedings don't require an extra apparatus. It is most excellent.

This was totally Rory. We finished nursing in bed (we like to lay down and snuggle, sometimes I read to her--as in read my book, aloud), and I'd removed the shield. The kid just went for it. And she hasn't stopped. It's been a week.

I am extremely and irrationally proud of her. And I got to see the light switch, the moment the magic eye came into focus, when it all looked different for her.

It took 6 months, and I nearly gave up on breast feeding a dozen or so times because it was such a nuisance. If the shield was lost (or eaten by a Doberman--which happened), the evening quickly dissolved into panic and stress. And the shield made nursing comfortable for me in ways I only recently realized. But the pay off was, strangely, less investment for me. I felt like I was just barely breast feeding, like I was just a step away from pumping and bottle feeding her all the time. It's difficult to put into words.

When I get home, I'm cutting up the nipple shield (and the spare) into tiny, tiny pieces. It's so liberating not being dependent on them.