My beautiful, funny, silly, affectionate, trusting daughter is turning one year old in less than two weeks. This may have been the fastest year of my life (following the slowest--the nine months of pregnancy and waiting for her). I went into a parenthood with a lot of best intentions and ideas about what I would do. Honestly, parenthood hasn't blown them out of the water that much, but that said, here is the advice I would give new parents based on what I learned.
There is some serious daughter bragging down here. This is what I learned while having a super easy kid and a really supportive husband and staying home with my girl. I don't exactly have it rough.
1. Most of the shit marketed for babies is a waste of money. When Boogs started solids, I looked in to a fancy baby food maker. Had I spent the $100 or more on one, I'd be pissed, because she ate pureed baby food for like a month. And my food processor or a fork did just fine. Ditto for the fancy infant tub. I supported her in the sink. I spent 10 dollars on a special chair for the tub when she moved to it. She was sitting up a week later, and now it takes up closet space.
2. Most of the things that send you running to the Internet for advice--weird behaviors, how to deal with things--are super short phases. Rory went through a phase of sounding like she was hyperventilating. She'd just start panting all of a sudden, for short spurts of time. Completely freaky. Doctor and Internet had nothing. It passed. Some things are serious and frustrating. But it is a phase. And I wish those phases were all a week longer right now.
3. The things that sound like more work are actually crazy easy. And so much cheaper. Cloth diapers? Hell yes. We paid extra for the fancy all-in-one size expandable kind with velcro tabs (about $16 a pop). A year later, we are still using our $320 worth of cloth diapers. We've bought disposable a couple times for traveling. Laundering diapers is easy peasy and we have never had to make an extra trip to the store for diapers.
The same thing applies to baby food. Making your own is so simple, and you can monitor what goes in your kid's food. Rory started on avocados, bananas, and sweet potatoes. I used the website www.wholesomebabyfood.com for ideas and recipes. My kid eats steamed veggies almost every day. Yes, she loves a french fry, but she eats veggies and protein (loves beans and tofu), rather than starches and carbs. Starting her on veggies was really easy (steam bag of carrots, mash with fork), and it was fun to get creative (broccoli soup with onions and breast milk blended in blender was one of her favorites). $2 for 4 oz of baby food? Don't make me laugh.
4. Despite your best intentions, your baby will change the game. We weren't going to use pacifiers. The first time we flew to New England we let her use one to help her ears. She still uses one for bedtime (and bedtime only).
We were going to cosleep, and we lasted about 6 months. And then Rory stopped sleeping if we were in bed with her. We'd rock her and rock her, lay her down, and as soon as we moved she'd be up again. We were spending four hours a night trying to get her to bed, and having no time to ourselves. So we decided it was time to teach her to sleep in her crib. I miss cuddling with her at night, but she does not sleep with me, still. She plays with my hair and picks my nose (although she'll sleep on Ryan's chest).
I planned on breastfeeding exclusively till she was 6 months, but at 5 months she started grabbing salad off my plate and shoving it in her mouth. She also started stealing chocolate from her grandmother (who might have given it up enthusiastically). I planned on breastfeeding till a year and then taking cues from her, but at 11 months her interest waned. Now I don't offer her boob, but she nurses when she wants to (lifts shirt, head dives into cleavage, etc). The last time that happened was three days ago.
5. Take note of all the funny shit. Ryan went on a business trip about the time Rory started solids. I don't know if you've ever encountered a post banana diaper, but it looked like it was full of tiny red veins or worms. I FREAKED. I took a picture of the diaper and sent it to him so he could google it while I got Rory (who was feeding off my stress) ready for bed. I called my mom. I almost called the doctor. Ryan and Mom got me back to real life. A variation of this story has happened countless times.
6. Breastfeeding can be really hard, but it is so, so worth it. If you've read any of my blog, particularly from the first month after Rory's birth, you know the struggle I had with breast feeding. Breast distress turned into a nipple shield. We were insanely dependent on that piece of silicone, and I grew to hate it. My brother's doberman ate it while we visited family. She didn't kick it for five months, so you're damn straight we nursed for another 6+ months after. The snuggling, the gazing into each other's eyes, playing with hair and fingers. It's so intimate and incredible and relaxing and important.
Today she started nodding her head, and she's super giggly. There's just no way to remember it all.
On a side note:
This is Louis C.K. He is one of my favorite comics. If you skip to about 11:30, you'll see an explanation that pretty much matches up with why we won't spank. You can't hit an inmate, but you can hit babies. Makes no sense. He's a little abrasive, and there is lots of cursing. If you want to start at the beginning, it's also hilarious.
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