Mmm. Intense

My one hour of therapy this evening turned into two hours. We talked about my inability to get angry, did some exercises. It was really good. I'm home and fed (tacos!) and feel kind of floaty and drained. In a good way.

Through this process, I'm putting up some new boundaries for my life. I think a lot of is finally and truly  moving into the realms of the adult. Throwing off and finally dealing with issues from my childhood that have kept me from really owning and living my adult life.

So, this is the beginning of my evolving bill of rights to myself. It may fluctuate, but this is what I need to remember right now.

1. The needs of myself, Ryan, and Rory are first.
2.  I am an adult. Capable, efficient, and dependable.
3. I am not a ditz. Nor am I dumb. Occasionally spacey and distracted.
4. My emotions do not need to be controlled, only my actions.
5. My emotions are valid. I am not bad or wrong for feeling the way I do.

:D

I leave you with a poem, which has become my own "code of conduct" in many ways. I love it, and even though I received it via email, it was a beautiful, helpful gift to receive.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
--Max Ehrmann