Bleh

It was a bad week. A not great weekend.

I mean bad. I let drama affect me, and then I barely functioned for five days.  Laid on my couch, ate late birthday chocolate, slept, was short tempered, and was just generally low.

I had a big function this weekend. And it turned into more opportunity to hurt my own feelings.  I get very big expectations and then I get let down big time when things aren't what they were going to be in my head.

It's hard feeling insignificant, whether it's true or not. And what's harder is that it's the easiest thing to feed unintentionally.

Anyway. I grabbed those boot straps and snapped out of it. With, of course, Ryan's amazing help. He picked up my parental slack and made dinner and put the smallfry to bed while I went to bed at 8p every night.  And still didn't sleep.

It sucks. I'm in therapy, which is good, and it gave me a set of tools to help me get out of it. I took a lot of baths to try and relax. Lots of self soothing. But the vicious circle of it is when you get depressed and you don't feel like doing anything, and then you beat yourself up because nothing is getting done. Cause this was not the first time, and it won't be the last.

But, I love Mondays. So I made myself get my planner out last night, I picked a project, I mapped my day. And today things got done. And we played outside. And I moved forward on some thing I wanted to do. And I felt better.

I still feel fragile, I am really trying not to listen to the shit my head says. Cause it's not nice sometimes. And it's very rarely accurate.