And again

I can't promise this will be the last time I post about our fab new parenting style, but I will try to curb it. I'm still a little amazed and super impressed with it. Ryan said, "This style seems to really work for you." Meaning I'm yelling out of frustration and lack of options a LOT less. I'm certainly enjoying parenting a lot more than I have the past few months.

Yesterday, Rory got whiney and argumentative. I said I'd like her to go to her room. She said no. I said I'd have to think about this for a while, but I'd get back to her. Last night, before dinner, I told her I wanted to talk to her. I asked her if she remembered earlier that I asked her to go to her room and she said no. She did. I told her I needed her to prove to me that she knows how to go into her room when I ask. She insisted she does. I said I'd need to see it in action. Ten times. Running from the kitchen to the bedroom.

These approches always seemed kind of shitty to me before. I'm not sure why. She started running as fast she could, and, surprisingly, having a ball. Which, I didn't mind. It wasn't about punishment, it was about consequences. If you ignore something mom tells you to do, I have to make sure you know how to do it. By the 8th time she started to rebel, but she got through the whole thing. And then I told her I hope that next time I ask her to go to her room she will do it. She said she would.

Last night she didn't sleep well, and like a clockwork showed up in our bed at 2 am. And then none of us slept well. And at 3 am she returned to her bed. We all overslept , and when I opened her door to get her up she yelled, "NO! I'm not getting up!" and threw herself under all of her pillows. I told her it was time to get up for school, and she said, "I don't want to go today! I'm staying home!"

I told her it was her choice to stay home, but that my plans involved her being at school. So if she stayed home she would have to say in her room until school was over so I could go about my regular day. She changed her mind, and had a great attitude about getting ready for school (and in a hurry, since we were late). We also had a chat about staying in our own beds because we all sleep better that way. I told her she can come sleep with us when she doesn't have school the next day. We do still like having her come snuggle with us. :)

It just makes so much sense to me. As an adult, if someone asks for help and she says "no," the asker won't send her to time out or take away her cell phone. But the next time she needs help they will likely be less inclined to say, "yes." Part of me struggles with teaching her to do things she ought to for reciprocity and not just because she should. But kindness is another message we teach on top of all this, so I think it balances out.

I love the tone in our house now. My stress is down. Rory responds really well to this. Ryan seems more relaxed (and has taken to it pretty well, too). It feels a lot less like a battle zone around here.