How I create positive space

Rough day. Things outside of my control that don't really have anything to do with me. But normally I'd jump in and help out. This time, I just can't. Or rather, I won't. I'm moments from giving birth at any time, and for the first time I really need to focus on me. Staying relaxed, staying positive. It's really hard.

I've realized that I create my happy space by surrounding myself with beauty. I don't mean forcing emotion I don't feel (I enjoy the song, but there will be none of Pharrell's "Happy" on my playlist). I'm focusing on me and my baby by:

• Making my favorite comfort food for dinner. And by making I mean instructing Ryan who is actually making it (I hate making mashed potatoes).
• Planting bulbs while the weather is nice.
• Listening to songs I think are beautiful ("Shipbuilding" by Elvis Costello, Beck's Sea Change album, Things We Lost in the Fire by Low).
• Looking at Mark Rothko paintings (seriously. I can't explain it, I love him). I know your four year old can paint it. But he didn't.

My favorite, at the Nelson-Atkins. It appears darker in the museum, and I want to take a nap in it. There's a similar piece in the next room (different artist), and I like it, but always pings my OCD. It has a lot more geometry to it. This piece makes me feel like my brain can relax.

• Watching Rory play outside with her Scooter friends.
• Reading escapist dime store mysteries
• Starting my herb seeds

I spent the morning fielding calls and fb messages about my (not active) labor and things going on other places. And then I was all done. I don't know how to swing from feeling sad and helpless to feeling empowered and thrilled in a short time. I'm not equipped for it, my emotions don't swing that quickly. I decided to focus on me this time.

Even Rory is tired of answering labor questions. She said a different teacher asks every day if we've had the baby yet. I told her I understand the frustration, but people are just excited. For those keeping track, I had a doc appointment yesterday. Still at a four.