The Walz Family Adventures: Post surgery update

Surgery went well. It took 90 minutes, so I'm guessing it took a minute to find it (they did not find it with the hysteroscopy). I was exhausted, they took me off anesthesia and told Ryan I was just sleeping, and not waking up. I'm not sure I totally agree, because I was so loopy when they started actively waking me up (because private surgery centers close at 5 and they want you to gtfo!). I think it took a while for it to wear off.

The first thing I said when I woke up was, "I have a machine that goes bing." The nurse had me start on juice boxes to get some sugar in my system (no food before surgery, I'd gone 17 hours without food, and had 2 and a half bags of fluid by then). She asked me my husband's name, so she could let him know I was waking up. I said it was Homey. It's not. I fell back asleep, and was offered more juice.

I couldn't really walk, and needed a LOT of help getting dressed, so I got wheeled out and dumped into the car. And thank goodness, after all, it was 4:50!

No pain, I took one Percocet, mostly because it was there, and the next day I took naproxen, and I haven't had any pain meds since Friday (I think). My throat hurt a lot Friday, and I had no voice because of the tube (they needed to breathe for me because of pumping my abdomen full of CO2). Other than shoulder pain (residual gas pushing up against a nerve), and weird belly button pain, it's been fine.

Except the anxiety. Lots and LOTS of anxiety. I was FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. About EVERYTHING. The kids' school, our house, my (lack of) career, how I spend my time. Losing it, unable to sleep, about as anxious as I get. I didn't do something I sometimes do (very minor little fun thing for me, completely inconsequential), and I was completely wigging out that I didn't do it. Very obsessive. And it took a long hot shower with a lot of think time to get any kind of clarity.

And it was the surgery. Came out of nowhere, and was completely unexpected and unavoidable and not a result of bad choices on my end. I didn't predict it, and my chaos theory brain likes to predict all the things. If it had JUST been the surgery, I think I would have been ok, but another random thing happened earlier in the week, unexpected and bringing emotional upheaval. The two of them together was a bit much.

Ryan was very helpful. He picked up all the kid slack while I recovered from surgery, and listened without judgment while I lost my mind and cried and blamed myself for not being better prepared for my uterus to be stabbed by a plastic toothpick. Seriously? What is with me?

But, the shower helped. Identifying the source of anxiety, acknowledging I can't control all the things (again), and putting a limit on how often I'm allowed to think about certain things (no more houses and kid school crap until next weekend).

I'm still pissed. Pissed I had to deal with this, that I have to redo my budget for medical bills, that I am postponing exercising AGAIN. That I have to figure out new birth control option, because I couldn't get an IUD for six months if I wanted one.

I'm trying to be grateful instead. Grateful it was fixed quickly, grateful I'm recovering well without side effects, that my husband makes great money and we can pay for it, that I can stay home and recover, that I have a supportive, capable husband and a sweet, considerate daughter and a healthy, easy baby. Even if we never move and my kids have to go a shitty school, we are great and they will be great.