We have been dealing with behavioral stuff. The kid has hit three with tumultuous aplomb, and I, much more than Ryan, was pulling out my hair. I have a hard time with whining. A harder time with arguing.
Our go to punishment method has been the standard time out. This meant she sat in a chair and screamed and then we sat down and talked about why she was in time out. It had gotten to the point where she would just auto respond her usual offenses: I argooed! I was disbediant! I was being fussy! And then she'd go back to her regular scheduled programming without much more thought about the situation.
No more.
I have had ten people recommend Parenting with Love and Logic, and I finally downloaded it to my Kindle. I felt pretty good about a lot of it, because it's what I was doing intuitively: giving her choices about most things, encouraging independence, etc. Do you want to take a bath now or after stories? Giving her a sense of control. I picked it up because I knew we needed a new option for discipline. And it has one. And it's beautiful.
Now, when Rory starts to argue and lose control of herself, I very nicely say "Oh no! You are being rude to me/screaming/arguing! That means you go in your room until you can be kind to me again." Then I scoop her up and deposit her in her room. I give her the choice of door opened or closed. Once she settles down, I give her an extra five minutes of calm down time, to really solidify her mood and give her thinking time. Then she may come out and join us again.
It's amazing.
The first time we did it was an absolute disaster.
She actually laid on the floor and sobbed that she couldn't have a snack before dinner (Ugh, really? Who is this kid?). I picked her up and put her in her room while she screamed that she didn't want to go. I asked if she wanted the door open or closed. She said open. She left the room. I put her back in and said I was sorry that she picked closed and shut the door. She wailed and wailed. This went on for ten minutes. Her just crying, "I WANT THE DOOR OPEN!" I made dinner. Ryan and I wondered if we were doing it right. He checked on her (against the rules, but whatever). She yelled some more.
Then we heard "KathunkkathunkkaBAM!" and went racing in to find her lying on her back.
She fell down the stairs to her bed and the position she was in implied she'd gone over sideways and her head went over her feet and she did a full somersault during her tumble. Typical Rory, she endured hugs for a moment, and then went to the office to compose herself. The goose egg on her head was the biggest I'd ever seen. I googled head injuries. She didn't throw up or act dizzy or have slurred speech or anything, so we called it "minor' and gave her dinner. But holy crap.
Today, Ryan used the technique with no problem while I was asleep. After I got up, I had to use it, she barely fussed once in her room, and five minutes later was back with us and in control of her behavior. We didn't talk about what happened. No need to embarass her, she knows what was going on.
When I was getting her ready for nap today she started to argue and I said, "Uh-oh, are you arguing with me?" and she said, "That means I go to my room." I love quick studies.
The tone in the house has been so much better. Behavior battles are not being waged. My stress level is down and I actually enjoy her being around again, instead of dreading it a little. Today, I told her we'd be able to make cookies after she cleaned up her toys. First she said, "No, I'm not going to." And I said, "That's fine, we don't have to have cookies." Ten minutes later, toys all cleaned up. I had been giving her choices, but not to the degree the book suggests.
She's not a kid who is deliberately disobediant or rebellious, but she is a power struggle nightmare sometimes. I'm only halfway through, but just for that one little gem for discipline it was worth 9.99.
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