We had a new situation tonight. We went to Home Depot (which I LOATHE, there is a reason I only go to Lowes. But Ryan won.). We got two separate carts, one for Ryan's nerd stuff and one for all the garden crap I was getting. Somehow we walked in separately, and when I rolled in, three year old walking beside me, an employee JUMPED in my face:
"She is ONLY ALLOWED to ride up here in the seat, she MAY NOT ride in the cart or on the front of it. Store policy. It's not safe."
I said, "Well, she's walking, so, thanks."
Rory rides on the front of the cart all the time. She is the most hyper vigilant kid about safety I have ever met. She only gets on and off if it is at a complete stop. She usually doesn't do it for longer than 10 feet. I get the cart says it's not the correct way to do it. But, my daughter put in place her own rules about it (seriously, the complete stop thing is all her), and I, as her parent, let her do it. The worst thing that could happen isn't that bad, and she'd learn from it. I'm okay with that. We do this at HyVee, Whole Foods, and, um, Lowes.
Inevitably, Rory ran around to the front of the cart and yelled "Stop!" and I told her she couldn't do that here, because it is against their rules, so we'd have to respect them. She was fine.
Her favorite thing about hardware stores is sitting in the tractors and pretending to drive. I told her she could when we checked out, and while Ryan paid, Rory and I headed to the tractors. And Rory spotted the dragon lady from the front of the store. And she lost her shit.
Full on melt-down. Not an "I'm not getting my way." Not "I'm exhausted and this is taxing my emotional resources." A VERY rare "This is overwhelming and scary and I don't understand what happened" wail and tears and snot.
If you've seen my kid in a situation where she is socially uncomfortable, you probably know what I mean. She will not sit by mom. She can handle it. She will look visibly uncomfortable and deal with it herself. She does not fuss or meltdown. She copes. This one, I think because she is the reigning safety expert in our house, really got her.
While I comforted her and tried to figure out what the hell had happened, the helpful rule-spouter showed up to ask what was wrong, provoking a fresh bout of tears from the upset one. I got her to a dryer or something and sat her down. When she could get words out all she'd say is "It's not safe!"
And I said that sitting on a tractor that isn't going to move is perfectly safe, and Daddy and I would not let her do something that she didn't know how to do safely. But she didn't buy it. "It's not safe, it's not safe. She said it's not safe!" We tried to talk some more about it in the car, but she was too upset, so I thought it best to wait.
Bedtime is a favorite around here. Not just because that's when grown-up time begins, but because we have a sweet little routine. The kiddo, all jammied up, gets a vitamin, and picks a parent (more often than not, me) to lay with her. Said parent lays with her for 5-10 minutes. When it's me, we talk about what happened that day, what the plans are for tomorrow, how much we like each other (seriously), etc, etc. It's a big goo fest. I love it.
Tonight I asked her what had made her so upset at the store. She said, "The lady said it wasn't safe." So I told her the lady was wrong. It might not be safe for every kid (but, c'mon), but as her parents, who actually have met her, we KNOW it is safe for her. We've seen her ride on the front of the cart safely 100 times. That rule is because they don't know if every kid is as safe as Rory and so they have to be careful. And she said, "I'm not safe." And that's what killed me. Because I was worried she was taking what the woman said personally. And she did.
I asked her how many times she's gone to see the doctor because she got hurt when she wasn't being safe. She said, "Um.... 3!" "No. None. You have never gone to the doctor because you were unsafe. Do you know how many times Mommy had to go to the doctor when she was little for being unsafe?" "3!" Pretty close. And then I showed her the scar on my chin, and explained I got it from not being safe when I was about her age. One more reiteration that Mommy and Daddy won't let her do anything she doesn't know how to be safe at (I emphatically did not tell her we'd never let her do anything that was not safe), and that lady just didn't know her like we know her.
She seemed better about it. She has a very deep and specific trust in her own abilities, and she does not do things unless they are SAFE. She was the most under-tumbled kid in her gym class because she wouldn't climb down by herself until 6 months after the rest of them. She just wasn't sure about it. Same with her jungle gym at home. It took her a long time to feel comfortable and safe playing on it alone. When she started walking she would stop at one-inch steps and ask for a hand to hold. She does not take chances. She will never be "rough and tumble." But she can ride on the front of the damn cart safely.
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