I've started staring awkwardly at baby and preschool boys, watching them for clues. I asked a coworker about her 9 month old and if she "really liked him." She does.
I don't want him to be anything like the men in my family. Which is unfair, since a lot of that is things I love about Rory. I don't want him to care about music or movies. I don't want him to be strikingly good looking, and exceedingly vain about it. I don't want him to be creative and artistic and spacey. And though I am many of these things, and I see them in Rory, I've never known those traits to contribute to particularly kind men.
I want him to be like his father. Likes movies and music because they entertain him, not because of their cultural contribution. I want him to be handsome, but maybe with a silly nose that makes him approachable instead of Adonis. Pragmatic and thoughtful, with direction and the ability to take care of himself. Helpful, patient, a good teacher.
And Ryan has his things, too, that I'm sure he hopes aren't hereditary, but I really hope he is his father's son.
I bought some pajamas today. I found raccoon and monster jammies I liked, so finally, something (I really don't want anything music-themed at all). They are newborn size and terry cloth and snuggly and small. I can get excited about them. I think choosing a name will be helpful, too. Give me another way to connect, make him a person rather than an abstract, scary representation.
As for the pregnancy? I had SPD with Rory, and I think I have it again, but earlier because he is sitting lower. Too much physical activity leaves me on the couch, unable to move without pain. I sit on a fitness ball at work, which helps. I'm not letting it slow me down, still training 3 times a week. I just have to remember once I sit on my couch I'm out for the night.
He's not very wiggly, seems pretty relaxed. He keeps his back to the world, so I can feel him kick, but Ryan really only feels that he's there, but not the movements.
This pregnancy is much less all-consuming than the previous one. I'm working, not in school, so my time is a little more filled up. Oh, and we still have that three year old who takes up our time. With Rory, her pregnancy felt like a huge change, an upheaval in lifestyle. This guy feels like an addition. We already made the changes, now it's just about making room.
Speaking of Rory, she is allowed to sleep in the guest room on weekends. I had slept there earlier this week because Ryan is sick, and therefore snoring. I guess I left a pillow in there. She appeared on the stairs, 15 minutes after going to bed and said, "Mom and Dad, you left one of your pillows in the guest room. And I am not happy with you guys."
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