And, how I'm doing

Meh.

I process most easily through writing, so here we go.

1. Post leaving my job.
If I do another load of laundry or dishes, I'm going to lose it. I think part of the issue is going from a job with a lot of variety and things I liked (writing, spending other people's money, organizing), along with a lot of freedom (telecommuting anytime, setting my own hours).  The problem was, and it was major, the non stop emotional upheaval. But I have to wonder, now that I'm in a tarpit of depression, if maybe the autonomy and paycheck were worth it. Because I hate not working. And I hate doing the same thing every day. And I hate not having a paycheck. Which has led to...

2. Depression
And it's probably the worst I've dealt with in a long time. I make lists to try to motivate myself to do basic housework, and I end up on the couch all day. I can't get interested or motivated to do anything. I feel exhausted and sad and incompetent and generally like a loser.

And the timing of it is terrible, because the purchase of the land is sending it in to overdrive. The purchase is more complicated than expected, but the whole thing is unbelievable overwhelming to me. Once the land deal is done, I'm going to slow way down on the house build, because I need things to balance out for a minute.

Also contributing to the depression is my birth control. The implant in my arm has always given me an unpredictable cycle, but recently it has sped way up. 3 week period, 2 weeks off, 2 week period, 1 week off, and we're back. It's awful. I feel sluggish and gross and tired, and I can't tell if it's because of the nonstop PMS or the depression.

3. Family Stuff
Some things happened in my extended family that I'm still processing. It's all very back burner, but it's significant and needs to be worked through.

What I'm doing about it:
1. Looking for jobs
I'm applying for lots of things, but looking mostly in nonprofit to try to balance the issues from my last job. I'm also picking up freelance gigs (like casting Family Feuds) and writing for a local paper.

2. Therapy & Exercise
I have a strong aversion to medication, so I'm not there yet. But, I am working with my therapist, and maintaining all my Classpass classes.

3. Leaving It
I'm not planning on resolving this one, I'm just taking time to process and I'll revisit it when other things calm down.