In which I rant about religion

Rory is examining religion these days. And I'm at a point of real frustration.

Her closest neighbor friends are hyper charismatic Quiverfull-like conservative Christians. They had a Todd Akin sign on their lawn after he made his gross "legitimate rape" comments.  I'm glad Aurora has friends in the neighborhood, but it's getting harder and harder for me to let her go over there.

She and Lee had a late night chat over the weekend (she was supposed to be sleeping and conned Grandpa into a bedtime story), and discussed faith. Lee came away from the conversation impressed with her thoughtfulness and tight lipped on the details.

So today, Rory was looking at the calendar and asked what Good Friday is. I explained it's a Christian holiday that celebrates the day Jesus was killed. And as I write that, I see how different the wording is to how it was always presented to me (sacrificed, crucified, etc).  She said, "Oh, it's a Christian holiday. Did you know Grandpa believes in Jesus?"

I said I did, but that Grandpa's belief in Jesus is completely different from the Scooter friends. Grandpa doesn't believe that gay people are sinning, etc. Grandpa reads books about Buddha and Jesus.

She said when she has children she's going to believe in Jesus because she thinks they'll enjoy special church events - like play days with bouncy houses.

And I'm so furious at the gross irresponsibility of evangelical churches, I'd like to kick a puppy. Rory was invited to a play day at her Scooter friend's church ages ago, and after a LOT of thought I allowed it. Rory was told not to argue with anyone about their beliefs - it's not her job to change their mind, and it's not their job to change hers (although they clearly disagree). She came home after a fun time confused about the experience. "It was weird, Mom. They really wanted me to say 'Jesus.' And you said to be respectful, so I said 'Jesus'."

However, the idea that you invite children over for a misleading representation of church is reprehensible. These are not small ideas being imparted, and you may as well use candy to lure them into your van. It's the same concept.

I pointed out that while Daddy and I are settled in our beliefs, we felt it was important to let our kids make up their own minds, and I gently suggested she do the same. I am incapable of believing something for the sake of it - I have to have an understanding of WHY I believe it. And I think Rory is the same way.

She said she's still deciding what she believes, and I pointed out that Grandpa would happily escort her to church if she wanted to go with him, but it would be a very different experience than going to a play day. She was concerned that he believes something different than we do, since we're in the same family. I told her that individuals get to think for themselves, and families deal with it. Grandpa and Grandma have slightly different beliefs from each other, just like Ryan and I do. And she gets to learn lots of information and figure out what feels good to her.

So, to surmise what her parents believe.

I would call myself an agnostic unitarian. I don't know that I believe in a higher power, but if I do, it threads through all faiths. There are too many similarities between mythologies and too many virgin births (Crishna whose virgin mother was Devaki, Buddha's virgin mother Maya, Horus and his virgin mother Isis, etc) that predate Christ. I love the unknown and plugging into something greater than I am, so I lean towards believe the higher power exists, but I believe there is beauty and truth in all these stories, and they aren't different enough in substance or dogma for me to declare one the winner. Because a bunch of white guys trying to maintain power and populate the earth added the idea of hell to terrify people into believing their way was right, doesn't mean it was. I believe in the Big Bang and evolution, but I also think they could have been propelled by a higher power.

I think Ryan is a straight up atheist, but i'm not sure. He is a huge fan of meditation, and enjoys yoga, but I think this a tool set rather than a spiritual connection.

Both of us were pretty significantly scarred by the religion of our youth (mine was more in college). Ryan is still working through a lot of his stuff in therapy, and I'm moving past feeling like I have to protect myself from Christianity. But I definitely want my daughter's self-esteem firmly rooted before she's exposed to the idea that her desires are secondary to her husband's will and her amazing body causes other people to sin. I think there are fine ideas in Christianity, but none of them came from Paul (who I positively detest, and Swindoll's book never changed my mind). Applying what Christ said is fine and lovely, but adding all the dogmatic, shaming, judgmental nonsense that comes from his followers is way too much for me.